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I know, I know.  It’s been more than a month since I last posted.  And that was just a few posts after writing that I needed to just suck it up and write constantly.  But here’s the deal.

You know me.  I don’t pull my punches.  I don’t flinch when it comes to admitting my frailties.  “Holy crap!” you’re saying.  “You mean she doesn’t pretend to be perfect???”  No, I don’t.  I think people that do are annoying, pretentious and ultimately just plain insecure.  There, I said it.  And I think being honest about our humanity (that is kind of the definition of being human) allows others to realize they’re not damaged freaks of nature for having a cowlick or checking 3 times to see if the front door is locked.  Or even 4 times  That’s actually normal.  Not having any issues isn’t normal.  It means you haven’t lived; you haven’t been out in the real world enough to pick up a few scars.

Scars, I got.

Some of you may remember my post The Making of a Blogger back in June.  It was a full recounting of all the serious concussions I’ve had, or at least the ones that I either remember or was told about.  There were 5 of them, and that’s only counting the big ones.  It seems I’m some freaking bobble head doll or Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float when it comes to moving around in the world.  I don’t lead with my left, I lead with my forehead.  Which really isn’t a good idea.

The thing about my concussions is that I started to notice similar issues afterward.  Weird stuff, too.  When I rolled the ATV and knocked myself out back in June, I was on vacation with The Boyfriend and we stayed at a really beautiful hotel outside of Zion National Park.  Amazing view out the window of our room.  Good price too, because The Boyfriend is thrifty, not cheap.  Anyway, after we had been home for about a week, I got athletes foot on my right pinky toe.  &^%$# hotel bathroom floors!  And I had been steadily losing weight, but it just stopped.  Then my toe cleared up (gross, I know, but bear with me).  After about a month I started losing weight again, though never at quite the pace that I had been before.

So now you’re asking yourself why on earth this poor, insane woman is rambling on about athletes foot and why is she trying to blame it for being lazy and not putting out a blog post in more than a month.

It’s a slow train, but it eventually pulls into the station.  Relax and enjoy the ride.

About 2 months ago, I hit my head again.  Wrought iron versus… guess which body part?  Yes!  Four points and a gold star if you said “forehead”!  And forehead really is a wuss, so it lost.  It always does.  On the bright side, I was thrilled that I didn’t even get dizzy, let alone lose consciousness or vomit.  Yea for me!  All I got was a knot about the size of a dime.  A lousy, tiny dime.  Seems I’m more hard-headed than I thought.

All was good in the world.  I put out another blog post, the knot went down – all good.  Then a month later, things started changing.  My creativity was shot all to hell.  I couldn’t write anything more interesting than a grocery list.  Athletes foot on my right pinky toe again, only the 2nd time I’ve gotten athletes foot in more than a decade.  And my weight started going up too.  I normally eat meat, eggs, vegetables, cheese, nuts, a little fruit and some decaf with heavy whipping cream.  Seltzer water with some lemon instead of sodas.  But I was obsessing over food, and not the good stuff either.  Donuts, candy bars, Starbucks venti mocha Frappuccinos… hardcore sugar and wheat, which I don’t eat.  My moods flatlined.  I’m usually that annoyingly cheerful girl, quick with a really lame joke and a smile for everyone.  But now, friends were asking “Are you okay?” almost constantly.  I didn’t want to talk and I really didn’t care if absolutely nothing got done.  I would sit in my work truck and cry, but I honestly couldn’t tell you why.  It was a bit scary.

I talked to The Boyfriend.  Damage from concussions is supposed to be cumulative, and I’d had a bunch of them over the years.  I asked him, if I had seriously broken my leg 5 times, would anyone be surprised if I limped a little?  Nope.  Then why does everyone assume I’m just fine after 5 serious concussions?  We agreed I should get it checked out.

So I made an appointment with a doctor for a referral to a neurologist.  That’s how it works in HMO Land, and that’s what I’ve got.  The closest appointment they had was 2 ½ months later (mid-June), which is a bit unnerving.  I’d be more upset if I couldn’t already tell I was getting much better.  Almost back to my twisted, comical version of “normal”.  I have my sense of humor back.  And only 7 pounds that need to be banished from my body.

I think I’ll write another post this weekend.  Maybe one about slow talkers or my black thumb in gardening or something.

Feels good to be back.

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2 thoughts on “Beating My Head Against A Wall

  1. “I know, I know. It’s been more than a month since I last posted. And that was just a few posts after writing that I needed to just suck it up and write constantly. But here’s the deal.”

    I only read that and nothing else. I feel the same way on my blog. I think it was Seinfeld that said he forces himself to write jokes everyday, and most are shit, but he does it anyway. And over the long-term, this pays off because some gems will appear out of all that garbage.

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